I've always prided myself on never have posted a "drunken" entry and while I am most definitely not drunk right now, I am a little drugged. I started coughing blood when we attempted to hit the hay around 10:30 so I popped a Darvocet because I couldn't find the Tylenol Cold & Sinus (this is so way more than a cold at this point but what else is there?). Then Chris pointed out that he saw some TYlenol Cold and Sinus on the nightstand so I popped one of those too. It's been about eight minutes or so since I took them and in about ten more minutes, I should be almost comatose at the computer. Hopefully I will be able to drag my ass into the bedroom so I can sleep comfortably. All I'm worried about at this point is actually SLEEPING. Mmm, sleep.

Oh, so I found out some shit on people that is kinda funny. I found out from an old friend that a certain ex-roommate of mine is still (can't be too far gone if I can still use HTML to italicize shit, no?) stuck in Glendale Heights with her mommy and daddy and wittle brothers in their grandmother's house. Ha, I say! Ha! I also found out someone else I'm not too fond of has a bisexual boyfriend that posts on websites looking for "men, women and/or both". Chris feels that it's more fucked up than funny, mostly because he thinks she doesn't know that A.) he's posting these ads and/or B.) that he's bisexual. I don't know, either way, to me, it's hilarious.

I might be seeing my brother on Oprah one of these days as he apparently posted a message on her website in regard to a future show about gay youth and how they are treated and/or cope. He got a response and was asked to write a letter about how he's treated at school and in the home and all sorts of shit. My brother gets to go on Oprah, the only talk show I'll ever end up on is Jerry Springer. One ex-wife from Texas, another from Alabama. Nuff said, okay? Speaking of Texas and Alabama, they have a sign up on the whiteboard at work.

"SLOW DOWN YOUR SALES PITCH FOR THE SOUTHERNERS. (Underlined) THEY ARE VERY SLOW!!!"

I got a good laugh out of that and if I could sneak in his camera phone, believe you me, there'd be a picture of it on here right now. They are having a mini meeting on Tuesday on how to really slow it down and "present things in a better light" to the people of the South. I kid you not. Now normally I'd say they're being stereotypical and whatnot except I got a call the other day in Mobile. I asked for the party listed on my screen and this woman has the nerve to accuse me of fucking (she even used that word) her husband and asked where I was from. "Well, I'm calling on behalf of insert-the-bank-I'm-pitching-here". "No, I mean where are you FROM, missy". "Chicago, ma'am". "CHEE-CAAAAH-GO, HUH?". It's at this point I'm wishing I could hang up on people but alas, we can't unless it's 100% clear they're done with the conversation. Since she obviously wasn't, I was forced to listen to her accusing me of ruining her marriage (yes, Sarah, it WOULD have been funny if it'd been a Birmingham call but eh, that's a story for another time), corrupting her children and causing her to get endrometriois. Finally a supervisor walked by and I grabbed him so he could take over and give me a few minutes to explain to poor, confused Angelique (who almost always sits next to me) why I was making gun signals at my head for the last nine minutes (which is hours in the telemarketing world - most of my calls don't get past "Hi, I'm calling on be-" *click*).

Contray to popular belief though, my job doesn't suck too much. I've gotten around twelve or thirteen sales thus far and it's not too hard, once I get people to listen to the pitch. It's for a major credit card offered by a major bank with a 0% introductory APR and a fixed 6.9% thereafter APR. Most people are approved up to 15,000 or 20,000 dollars and almost 95% of them are existing bank customers so it's not like I'm calling out of the damned blue to complete and random strangers. I would like to let people know that when you do what the Mobile woman did or what some fucker in Denver did by putting his two year old on the phone to "conversate" (HA!) with me, you're just screwing yourself. Even before I got this job, I was always one to just tell telemarketers and survey-takers, "Sorry, not interested" versus yelling at them, screaming "DONT CALL ME AGAIN" or just hanging up mid-pitch. Now I've learned exactly what they do to people that scream, yell or hang up so I'm going to be even more sure to be nice in the future. Maybe later I'll get around to posting the "rules" I've found out since getting this gig.

Even though I was sick, we did get our first real weekend of wonderful weather so today we went to the local zoo and then grilled bratwursts on the grill. Dessert was homemade chocolate chip cookies that Mom made and coffee coolers from Caribou Coffee since it was gorgeous around 9-ish (79 degrees) and we wanted to get out for a few. I took the digital camera with to the zoo but the cable seems to have been misplaced somewhere between Hoover, AL and Elk Grove Village, IL. I don't recall it being in the car with me during the drive back and he remembers packing it up when we left the apartment. I don't think it was ever brought into the hotel in Carbondale (strawberry buttah!) and we never used it when we lived in Elk Grove Village. Anyway, a new one can be ordered pretty easily so it's not a huge deal, just crappy because I got some really good pictures. Thank god for camera phones, huh?

I wanted to take the draft horse home with us but for some reason, I had a nagging feeling it wouldn't fit in the Zx2, go figure. I am pretty sure that the goat would have fit but he liked to chew the sleeve of my hoodie so that may have caused a problem. The llamas were basically indifferent when it came to me and my camera. I tried to make them come by me but they ignored my cat-calling, whistling and offering of yummy (I think) llama treats (okay, so they were actually goat treats that I lifted from the Nubian Goat exhibit, I'm sure they were still yummy). Oh, and the cow pretty much ignored me too. In fact, 99% of the photos I have of the cow are basically of it's ass. Numerous jokes were made about bullshit so I won't bore you with any right now. At least the horse had no qualms about getting up close and personal with yours truly. Even the horses and people of, uh, smaller stature were in on the fun. I'm pretty sure the three pound Sheltand pony could've been taken home if had really put our minds to it but I'll save that adventure for another day.

All in all, it was a good way to kill an hour or two and hey, it's not like it's last weekend where we can amuse ourselves by spotting Volkswagens made up to look like swine. I think the stuff has finally kicked in and the coughing has went down as much as it's going to go down. I need to look into getting some more cough syrup once I get paid Tuesday. Cough syrup and cheetos... lots and lots of cheetos. Wow, maybe this stuff really does make you stoned.

before & after