Well, it would appear that I am officially sick and infected with, well, something. Yes, that's right, now you too can enjoy the lovely sound known as my nonsmoker's hack (and since you have to suffer through that, here's the dog barking just for good measure). Christ, my chest is burning and my throat is completely raw. Please note that the cough on that file? That's after I'd been sipping iced tea and sucking on Hall's all morning. In addition to the chest pain and sore throat, I feel really weak, like I need a really good stretch every fifteen minutes and I'm exhausted. My supervisor repeatedly asked if I felt like going home or taking an extended break yesterday but I shrugged him off and managed to finish out the night with one sale. Hey, one sale is an extra seventeen bucks on my paycheck so hell, I'm not complaining. Well, okay, I was going to complain but then I realized it is telemarketing so I'll keep my mouth shut.

I'm slowly but surely losing my voice and this is so not good. People kept requesting that I speak the fuck up last night and of course, the minute I did, they promptly hung up on me. Joy. In addition to this, the night seemed to just drag on. Again, this may have been because I only made one damn sale. Oh, and the fact that we can't have magazines, books, pens, paper or anything other than bottles and candy on our cubicles. This has caused me to get really creative because I am a person that cannot just sit there for five hours and do nothing. So I've started bringing rubber bands, paper clips, yarn and other various sundries with me to work. If I actually took up knitting, the yarn would actually, you know, come in handy. I will admit, they are pretty good most days about making sure we're not too bored, every time you make a sale, you get your name put on a board and when your name gets called, you get to do various different activities depending on the day. One day it was Scrabble, the next it was making a shot in a Little Tikes basketball hoop. The "prize" is usually five or ten dollars on your paycheck or a free dinner (pizza and soda) but it's just nice because it's something other than working the phones.

I keep getting bugged because I won't squeal about where I want to get married. I've been offered everything under the sun in return for "just the name, for petessake" but my lips won't budge. However, I was talking to Karen about it and I decided that I can at least let loose some of the details. Maybe the menu or the drink specials? I don't want to talk about the menu right now cause it would just make me even more hungry than I already am. I have no clue what I will be making for dinner tonight because I am sick and tired and therefore, the only thing that truly sounds appealing right now is curling up under my flannel comforter with the dog and cat and never coming out. Oh god, if I still feel this way Friday, you know damn well that's where I'll be. The irony in all this is that if I was married, I'd have insurance and I could go to a doctor and get some nifty allergy/respiatory infection drugs.

When I said I wasn't hungry, that was a blatant lie. In addition to being sick, PMS has completely and utterly taken over my body. Not only do I get to enjoy blotchy skin, bloating, unexplainable crying over television commercials and a general feeling of being torn between apathy and melancholia for over a week now but now we can also add an inexplicable craving for meat to the list. Not just any meat, no, a medium-rare steak with bleu cheese and roasted garlic. I know exactly what I want and I can't have it, this is a first, NOT!

So, before I head over to Dad's house to raid their fridge for any cheese that isn't American, I'll post a survey for your reading pleasure.

8 Fictional Characters You'd Love To Hang Out With:

1. Anita Blake from the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series.

2. Captain Jack Sparrow and Will Turner from The Pirates of the Caribbean.

3. The Edge from WWE Raw (shut up, mister)

4. J.D. Dorian from Scrubs.

5. Dusty Wyatt Chandler from Pure Country.

6. Shadow from American Gods.

7. Any Billy Bob Thornton character.

8. Dorothy Parker from Mrs Parker and the Vicious Circle.

7 Celebrities You'd Invite To Dinner:

1. Leona Naess.

2. Neil Gaiman.

3. Ryan Adams.

4. Sara Evans.

5. Stanley Tucci.

6. Willie Nelson.

7. Richard Belzer.

6 Things On Your desk:

1. Cable modem.

2. Diet Pepsi Twist can.

3. Altoid tin.

4. My cell phone.

5. Hall's cough drops.

6. Microphone.

5 Places You'd Like To Visit:

1. Nashville. (bonus check!)

2. Amsterdam. (okay, this is just too expensive no matter how big my bonus check is...)

3. New Orleans. (bonus check!)

4. Greensboro, NC (Spudly!) (Um, road trip?)

5. Austin. (Why waste a bonus check on it when I can drive there if we ever go see his family in Houston. Psh, like I'm stupid)

4 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me:

1. I cough like a dog (wait, you know that one now...)

2. When I was about 6 or so, I was scared of swimming over the grates in the swimming pool because I read a book (don't ask why I was reading this at six) that had these man-eating evil aquatic creatures that lived beneath pools and came out via those grates.

3. I give directions to my house in my sleep.

4. I am going to buy marshmallows and graham crackers tomorrow so I can make smores in the backyard.

3 Things You Wish You Had Right Now:

1. The winning lottery ticket.

2. A goddamned trampoline.

3. Another white german shepherd. You can never have too many of those.

2 Names You Wish Were Your Own:

1. Kathryn.

2. Dorothy.

Day Of The Week You Love The Most:

1. Friday.

before & after