I went to bed at 1:45 last night instead of my usual (as of lately, thankyouverymuchinsomnia) 3:30 and I'll be damned if I wasn't up at 9:45. I wrote some stuff, did a load of laundry, let the dog out, checked the mail, took the garbage out and in a little bit, I guess I'll get started on dinner. For some reason, I live with a freak that actually craves Hamburger Helper. He lives with a woman that can make almost anything (including his beloved bruschetta and baked ziti) and what does he request?

Lasagna Hamburger Helper because, well, "it sounds good".

He doesn't love my chairs, damnit!**

The same freak also spent most of his evening last night looking at, uh, stuff*** on the Internet and now SpywareBlaster hates my guts because I'm using it every two seconds trying to get rid of all this shit on the PC. Speaking of shit on PC's, the computers at work absolutely suck. It seems that they're used to people who can't type and here I am, typing away at my usual 80 words per minute and the computer actually gave me an error message, something along the lines of "Slow down, you efficient bitch, I CANNOT COMPUTE!"

Well, not exactly that but it was something along the lines of "Error! Internal Lag. Refrain from further action and contact administration". I flag my trainer down and she informs me that the computers are not meant to be used that fast (what. the. fuck.) and I should just "slow it down some, take your time". Look, I'm doing telemarketing, people. I can only go so slow before Mister Bob Jones slams the phone down in my ear and then, boom, on to the next call. In that time between "Hello, Mister Bob Jones please?" and him hanging up on me, I have to document exactly what tone Mister Bob Jones used before he hung up on me. If it was even remotely friendly (read: he didn't tell me to fuck off and die), we can still add to him to the "not interested, call again" list. If he seems disinterested (read: he threatens to kill you, your husband and your future children then report your company to the attorney general, better business bureau and the CIA), you have to document him as "slightly agitated" and take his name off the list for a year.

Don't get me wrong, there's room to make good money and the hours aren't too bad but Jesus, they're all about scamming the customer. I have my interview at AT&T tomorrow, it'd be nice if they'd offer me something. I'd give up the chance to make tons of money if it meant I wasn't calling single mothers at 9:30 at night when they just got their two year old to sleep. The best part is that they won't let us take home our training manuals. At first, our trainer claimed this was because they didn't want their competitors getting wind of their "tactics" but I mentioned that I didn't intend on showing it to their competitors, merely studying the script. Finally, she admitted what I already knew - the company didn't want our family and friends getting wind of what they teach us. For example, that if a customer is already in debt and tells you as much, you tell them they can use the credit card that we're pitching as a source for paying off that debt. Wonderful!

Definite PMS around these parts. I have about seven bucks to my name and I'm debating spending half of it on chocolate. I read somewhere that craving chocolate when you don't normally like it is a sign your body needs magnesium which directly correlates to loss of vitamins and nutrients that occurs during PMS. I just checked my multivitamin and there's no magnesium in it. Maybe I need to look into buying that. Speaking of my multivitamin, I have to say, that may be the reason my insomnia seems to have cured itself. I'm glad I spent the seven bucks and picked them up that day, I remember how good I felt when I was a practicing vegetarian, drank only water and fruit juice and took my vitamins ever day. I'm pretty damn sure that unless I win the lottery, I'll never be able to afford to not eat meat and also feed him so that's kind of out of the question these days but I should look into cutting back on the Diet Pepsi's. Mmm, Diet Pepsi.

**"Now George has a love at his side and she is sticking with him. You know why? Because he bought her chairs... Every woman has her chair, something she needs to put herself into, Banes."

*** Yes, porn.

before & after