Is it sad that I miss a singing show contestant? Probably but since when do I care? If my weekend hadn't been so (fun) filled, I'd probably write about what a rip that damn show was and how the damn state of Alabama needs to stop rigging stupid singing shows, get a real fucking major league team (ANYTHING! Soccer, football, baseball, women's basketball - ha, that'll be the day!) and possibly, a life.

Right, where was I?

My weekend. Yes, I am now the proud owner of three purple tulips and they are absolutely lovely. Oh, and the bouquet of roses that were presented to me on Friday evening. Yeah, I don't know who died either but it must've been someone special for me to get three purple tulip bulbs and a dozen coral (the camera phone sucks, okay? They're not supposed to look pale pink) roses. He swears up and down that nobody died (including him) and there is no other woman (or man) so apparently, I'm just that special. Psh, like you didn't know it.

So, that was Friday when we stayed in to watch TV and eat homemade chili that ended up tasting more like really good sloppy joe with beans. I added chocolate like I saw on Food Network and I think that's what I get for listening to Food Network. Only Rachel Ray knows what the fuck she's talking about and she'd probably never think about adding chocolate to her chili (I'll double check to make sure though). Saturday we didn't sleep in that late but it was all right because we ended up going to P.F. Changs for an early (11:30) lunch. The damn place is always friggin packed but for once, we were there early enough, there were only two or three other parties there and we were seated immediately. Our hostess encouraged us to try the lettuce wrap so we did and it was good enough to order as a meal itself (although I think it'd look so much prettier in greener, leafier romaine lettuce leaves). As for the entree, Chris ended up ordering shrimp with lobster sauce and I had the honey chicken. Par for the course, my entree was pretty damned good and his was all right, just not the best ever. Most of the meal was spent with him muttering, "Damnit, Tongs (the local Cantonese/Chinese Tiki joint) has better than this!" and me cutting my pieces of chicken in half and sliding them onto his plate so the poor thing wouldn't have to suffer too much. The server came and took his plate pretty quickly as he wasn't having too much to do with it anyway. Mine was a different story, thank you very much. I was very much enjoying my meal and I made damn sure they were taking away a clean plate and not half my food. That was followed by fortune cookies in which I obviously got the appropriate fortune. If, for some reason, you can't read it, just check out the title of the entry. His was actually more of a fortune versus a blatantly obvious observation.

After lunch, we drove down to the tattoo joint to get his tattoo touched up. He initially went in to get the name removed a few months ago and had some other stuff added but it didn't heal properly so he wanted to see about a touch up. We found out that the guy that did it wasn't there until about 3 so we had a couple hours to kill. We drove up and down Ogden Avenue in Downers Grove where at one point he asked the magic question.

"Do you want to look at dogs?"

Gah. Does the sun shine? Do the birds sing? Is the sky blue? Okay, you probably know what my answer was. So we headed over to the Humane Society and killed a bit of time by looking at the dogs. Two really caught my eye but only one of them he liked as well. We inquired about him and were told that he wouldn't be available until the 17th or even the 18th and to call back then. Fine, okay, I call at 11:30 this morning (they opened at 11) to ask and they tell me he was adopted. Ugh. Stupid lying bastards. Eh, maybe we'll look some more, maybe we'll put off. He decided he wanted something cold so we headed to Starbucks where I was thoroughly amused by this sign. Then we drove to downtown Yup- I mean Naperville for a while and I took him to Trader Joe's so he could experience Yuppieville at it's most pretentious. After that it was time to head over to Hamburger Heaven for root beer floats (well, I had a root beer float... others just had root beer). Then back to the tattoo joint where I sat on the bar stools and kicked the counter while he got his tattoo retouched (free of charge, unlike the bastards at Jade Dragon). Around that time it was decided that we should go to the North Park Mall, because, well, we have nothing better to do and he'd never been there. Once there we see they now have something they're advertising as "The Flea Market With Class".

Tell me, would a flea market with class have THIS?. Or better yet, once inside, this?. Oh yes, were definitely in the Super Mexican Ghetto Flea Market, not the Flea Market With Class. No one spoke English and when they did, it was choppy and asking us if we wanted a tamale for one dollar. Some woman was running a stand with fake designer crap which included a tank top with big bold letters proclaiming "Channel". Yeah. Oh and what flea market would be complete with a wall of boots? I did come out of the deal with a bunch of red stone horse figurines to go with my Buddha collection for six bucks. After the flea market, we stopped by the grocery store before heading home and grilling steaks that were accompanied by baked potatoes and ice cold Diet Cokes with Lime. After a day like that, Sunday had a lot to live up to but it managed. We didn't sleep in one bit (no, I'm not bitter...) and went to Bob Evans where Chris proceeded to order an omelet while I got the pot roast hash and we split an order of biscuits and gravy. Yet again, he realized that his choice sucked and announced that from now on I shall be the one who orders for him since my taste is far more superior (well, duh). After breakfast it was off to the store to pick up some stuff that was on sale and then over to Target for grilling accessories. Then it was a surprise trip to the theatre where we saw "Troy" and my day was pretty much made because Orlando Bloom + leather + Brad Pitt+ rough sex + = a totally made day. Of course, all play makes a girl exhausted so once home, we napped for a bit (like two or three hours, ha) then had hot dogs for dinner.

All this would've been so damn lovely if I hadn't woke up this morning to see a SPIDER staring me down. Ugh. I was still sleepy and hadn't put my glasses on yet so when I turned around and saw what looked like a spot on the wall, I had to ask.

"Honey, is that what I think it i- OH MY GOD IT MOVED"

I quickly crawled out of the way so he could smack it with his shoe and alas, that was it for sleep for me. I'm exhausted right now and for some reason, my eyes won't stop watering no matter what I do. I thought maybe it was the computer and/or the bug spray that I used to slaughter any possible living spiders in the bedroom but even after I went outside, they still watered. Hm, allergies anyone? I know I'm allergic to maple, ragweed and smoke but he's quit smoking, there isn't maple around and well, I don't go outside that much. Maybe it's the cat... god, I wish it was the cat.

That stupid cat got out again last night after I came back from returning DVD's to Hollywood Video. Just lept out the door, took off down the street and he was gone. Later (we're talking several hours, folks) that evening, I opened the door to call for him and the little fucker is sitting right outside the door, as if he never left. I called the shelter to see about returning him and they basically told me, well, no. He's our responsibility now and we have to take care him. Right, so even if this cat persists on CHEWING the screens and getting out, we have to keep chasing him and/or wait for him to come back. God forbid I want to find a safer, better home for him. The thing is front declawed so it's not like he'd be able to defend himself if we did decide to let him be an outdoor cat (something I'm against anyway). Then there is the fact that we live on a super busy street where he could get hit at any time. Like one message board suggested, sure, I could put wood fence on all the screens but how super tacky would that look? Well, thankfully I contacted the director and she's supposed to get back to be by 3:30. If she tells me to keep it and just "deal" with the cat getting out repeatedly like the last woman did, keep an eye out for a very special and moving entry about a cat that needs a new home.

before & after