It's funny... certain people write about my significant other's "relationship problems", as if he has nothing better to do than confide in her and share his supposed woes. This is especially funny since I've been there every single time he's spoken with her, on the bed right next to him, and seen every single word that was exchanged (he told her to stop talking shit about me, she whined and spouted some bullshit about how she wanted to know if he had ever loved her or did he secretly want me the whole time and he, of course, told her what she wanted to hear and then she had the gall to tell him she wishes he would've waited for me to miscarry because then they could've live happily ever after, implying, you see, that the only reason this man gave up everything for me is because I was the only one who was ever able to bear him a child) every single time they've IMed, talked or emailed. I've never seen him talk about any "problems" in our relationship outside of my miscarriage which isn't so much a problem as a sad occurrence that we will get through together and eventually go ahead and try again for another child per my ob/gyn's okay. It's really not my fault that, at 21, I'm obviously just more fertile than his more, uh, mature (read: old), partners have been and I was able to do what none of them ever could. If anyone reading this truly believes that I became pregnant while ON birth control, they are sorely mistaken. Let me enlighten everyone for a second - I got my first Depo shot in April. They last for three months then they are no longer effective. That means it wore off in July. In New Orleans, we had hot, kinky sex (no more details... well, maybe... if you email me... besides, the people that need to know already know) on my birthday, August 25th (and August 26th and well, you get the drift). We also had sex several times after that, up until when I left in early September. The shot had lost it's ability to protect me from becoming pregnant way back in July. I did NOT have sexual relations with anyone else between the time when I came back and the time when he came back. Therefore one (and my doctors, thank you very much) can say that I became pregnant by him in late August or early September. Because the hormones in the shot were still in my system (but according to my DOCTOR aka Medical Professional, not effective when it comes to preventing conception) and I never had a period, my doctor could never give me an exact date of conception, just a roundabout time frame. If I had carried long enough to the point where they could've done an ultrasound, they would've most likely been able to tell me by looking at that. So, I became pregnant when I was off birth control and (admittedly, stupidly) having unprotected sex with my steady live-in boyfriend. Neither one of us ever thought we could get pregnant since I've had my issues in the past and neither one of his wives were ever able to conceive. Plus there are some things that people (outside of him and the only other person that I trust with my life... oh, and my mother) will never know and they are my reason for knowing that he's here for me and only me, not just for our baby. Wait, I didn't mention the part about people commenting on my miscarriage?

Oh boy.

I've had some bad shit happen and had some bad people come through my life. But I've never been so low and so disgusting as to make light of their most personal issues and post them for the world to see. In fact, even after this woman moved into MY apartment (with my name on the lease and my clothes still in it and my SHEETS still on the bed she fucked my boyfriend in (if they ever even fucked at all) and my food still in the fridge) and even after she called me names, told me I was insane and even insinuated on one of her webpages that he wasn't the father (it's called a paternity test, sweetie), I never wrote a bad word about her on my page. In fact, I never wrote anything about her... out of respect for him and, at one point, for her, I refrained from discussing how I felt about their divorce (the first one), their relationship or even their friendship. No, silly me, I was the mature one, I just sat back and tried to get on with my life, even way back when she was calling him constantly the FIRST time around. When he came back saying he wanted me, we both wanted to just move the hell on and forget about her, her issues and her charming friends (refer to the infamous guestbook entry by "Priscilla" using an email address AND IP address that match a certain B.A. aka everyone's best friend that will bang your husband in your bed when you're not around and then actually be slutty enough to go on later and comment on the size of his manlihood on her webpage). I thought long and hard about what I was getting myself into. But I love him and I'm willing to work things out, both for us and, at the time, also for our child. All I knew was that I was NOT going to have some overmedicated and overstressed woman that can't even have her own child raise mine. So, we have therapy and we have time and we have each other to help heal our wounds and to get past the only real problem in our relationship - the woman that will not stop emailing him. She emails him to "remind" him about his insurance. She emails him to ask for help with her computer. She emails him to tell him she'll get pictures to his sister She emails him to tell him that she can't seem to just write him off and forget about him. Every other day there is an email from her, either at work (I wasn't aware State Farm had such lenient Internet policies... shit, talk about a good place to work) or from home. I told him it has to stop and he agreed, so he's tried to cut things off... he mentions filing for divorce almost every single time she DOES email or talk to him. He's called the lawyer and gotten the ball rolling and hopefully that'll help the problem but who knows anymore?

I feel bad for her, I really do. They were both obviously confused when they went and got remarried. He missed me and thought she would be able to replace me. She was lonely and thought he could fill the void in her life. I am reminded now of the saying - if you love something, let it go and if comes back, it's meant to be. I love him. I let him go and do whatever he had to do... and he came back. I was more than willing to move the fuck on and forget that she ever existed. He threw away their wedding rings, he burned their photographs, we got rid of every single piece of shit she ever wrote, downloaded or put on his computer and he's currently trying to find a new watch to replace the one that was given to him by her. But then the emails started and they haven't stopped. Then the questions started - "Did you ever love me?" and "how are things with you?" and "Are you truly happy?" etc... etc... For someone that is supposedly so eager to move on, she sure is adamant about making sure he's happy and in love and taken care of (and then totally turning it around and informing the world that he's miserable, trapped in a relationship he doesn't want to be in and suffering terribly). I only wish she'd be as willing as we are to move the hell on with her life and at least make an attempt to be happy.

Well, there is a lot more but for now, this works. After Monday, everything should be settled with The Roommate situation. Spoke with the people in the leasing office and they want us to come in Monday afternoon, as soon as I get out of school, and fill out all the papers and then, after that, everyone should be happy. One can only hope, huh? But eh, even if they're not, I don't care. You only get so far in life if you go through it always trying to make everyone else happy. At one point you just have to say "fuck it", throw caution to the wind and do what the hell YOU want. But, alas, that's kind of hard when you have someone else on a lease with you. But like I said, after Monday that all should be changed. I'm off to curl up with the S.O. on the couch before we hit the hay because I have yet another doctor's appointment tomorrow morning. Oh joy, will the fun never end?

before & after