There must be a God for Johnny Cash won single of the year at the CMA's. Has everyone heard his damn cover of "Hurt"? But maybe I'm just partial... my daddy had me listening to Cash in the cradle (and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man on the moon... eh, nevermind).

So, yeah, I'm sleepy. But I'm all right. I lucked out, I was so exhausted, I fell asleep putting the phone on the charger (it's on the floor by the foot of the bed) and woke up wondering why the hell my feet were where my head is supposed to go. It's way too damn sunny outside, especially for a high of 40 damn degrees (currently a bone-chilling 34). The real bitch is that I have my interview tonight at 9:30 (yes, I said 9:30 tonight) and that means I have to throw on my interview clothes (black skirt, white tank top with a black blouse over it and heels... who me, depressing?) and wear them to work at the answering service, the place that could care less if I showed up in sweat pants and my trusty autographed Third Eye Blind t-shirt (I found it last week in a box, you can all guess how thrilled I was by that). I really need to get my ass up soon and hop in the shower but that'd require energy that I just don't have.

I need to eat better. Everyone keeps saying it and I know it but believe me, it's easier said than done. Some days there just isn't enough time in my day to eat or when I do eat, it's whatever can be cooked the fastest which isn't always the healthiest or best thing to eating when I'm pregnant or even in general. Right now I have a pot of coffee on and I'm eating a bowl of Blueberry Morning so I guess I'm off to a halfway decent start. I think all the weed that was being smoked the other night was causing my nonstop vomiting bout. Well, that and stress. Lots of stress. Some of it's not exactly bad stress, just weird stress. Really, really, really weird stress. My-life-has-turned-into-a-soap-opera-stress. Well, maybe a made-for-tv movie... soap operas NEVER have happy endings and that's all anyone wants, right?

Okay, so I made a pot of coffee but then I forgot that the other night, everyone and their mother was over here and drank a whole gallon of milk in a night. The other night, Stef had a "gathering" and had about 10 people here in the apartment all night (and all morning - I didn't like some of them and they were bugging me with the smoke and groping but I wasn't about to let anyone drive home, die and have it on my conscience). It started out with "we're just gonna drink beers" to "we're doing shots of vodka and jager" to "it's just a little pot" to "anyone wanna try acid?" and then people having sex in my bed (James said he wanted to go to sleep... I'm a nice girl, I said "take my bed". Next thing I know, I'm locked out of my own room) and Stef vomiting over our balcony and me having to take one of the other girls down to her car to get her insulin cause she drank too much and her diabetes was fucking up and she felt like she was gonna die.

My playlist is rather amusing. I'll post it over there to the left rather than take a picture of the winamp agent and have to upload it to FTP. Not that uploading it would be such a big deal now that my DSL is up. My computer is still extremely slow but at least I go to my own damn diary without waiting 15 minutes for the picture to show (anyone else have that problem? I'm debating changing it... I haven't felt all that crazy or cute lately). You'd think with all the people walking around this apartment smacking my ass, grabbing my chest, rubbing my back, kissing my tattoo (that was stoned, I don't think that counts... he thought he could kiss the fairy for good luck... Stef knows some really weird people), and trying to hug me (anyone who knows me or has read the now deleted about me page knows I'm weird about hugs... I'd rather bang somebody before I get a hug from them... mmm, trust issues), I shouldn't feel so horribly uncute. But it's not the same as just knowing without asking that somebody wants you and adores you. I actually got into a fight with Stef about it a few days ago. She was trying to explain why she's had sex (and still is, I found out last night) with married guy and said that basically, it's cause he fucks her and makes her feel wanted. I smacked her. Extreme? Maybe. But that's the stupidest god damn thing ever. Sure, there are days (okay, every other day) where I think it'd be nice to be kissed or held or to kiss or hold somebody but I don't run out to the first cocksucker that offers. There are a few times when I think that there will be a repeat of the Nathan episode except it won't be because of my childhood, it'll be because I'm pregnant. It'll be "You're such a great person and I love you but I can't touch you because you have a child inside of you". Mind you, I already have my own problem with that but I don't want someone else who will. I just think Stef (and all women out there reading this) can do so much better than a loser that just wants some piece of ass when you want so much more.

I really want coffee now. I just can't drink black coffee nowadays cause I get really bad stomach pains. I may have to scrounge up the change in my car and stop at Dunkin Donuts for a small cup. So, it's 11 o'clock now. Two hours and I have to be at work and it takes half an hour to get to work. Hm. Should I be sitting here? Probably not. Hm, I could always bring a change of clothes to work with me but wear my jeans and Travis t-shirt for the actual work day. Eh, I have so many songs right now that I'm so damned addicted to. I wish I had the cable for my Mp3 player (hint) here in Chicago with me then I could bring it to work and have my tunes. I need to stop listening to this song and also "You Don't", "Here Without You", "Wave On Wave", "Why Don't You And I?" and the good ol' standby, "The Rescue Blues". The new Ryan Adams single sounds like U2 (eh, and Morrissey too). Eerily like U2. It's kinda weird but not that bad. I wonder if it'll get played on the radio as much as "New York, New York" and "Answering Bell" did. Oh, who am I kidding, "Answering Bell" was never on the radio. Anyway, I'm gonna pop my Sara Evans CD in my huge ass 500 dollar stereo system now accompanied by five speakers, finish breakfast and get in the shower and, ugh, go to work. I hope I get this damn job tonight. I could really use 11 dollars an hour and insurance, you know. It'd be rather nice.

before & after