It's about parenting and children, neither of which I'm an expert on.

Gasp

This weekend Chris and I decided that it'd be a good idea to catch a movie since it's four dollars before 6pm at the York Theatre in Elmhurst. It's a nifty old theater in downtown Elmhurst that still has balconies and a big huge tunnel leading down to each theater. We originally were going to see "The Bourne Supremacy" but when Chris found that it wasn't showing in the theater with the new stadium seating, we decided to see "I, Robot". Okay, now I am fully aware that the movie title has the word robot in it therefore parents think it must be a child friendly movie. Guess what? It's not. If you had half a brain, you would have read the book (which it's hardly based on but still, you'd probably manage to realize it's not a children's movie) or, at the very least, bother to check out the reviews and the rating. They use the words shit, bitch and ass quite often. There is plenty of violence and gore. There is a practically nude scene with Will Smith in the shower (and what a lovely scene it is). This is not a movie for six and seven year olds to be watching and yet there they were, front and center. That's bad enough, don't get me wrong, but if you want to traumatize your child, hey that's your prerogative. It's when your child starts carrying on an entire conversation about how they want a robot and you don't nip it right in the bud, no, you proceed to tell them, while the movie is showing and people are trying to watch, that robots like that don't exist and that's why we don't have them. Seriously - isn't that something that could have waited until the movie was, say, OVER? Then in the back of us we had a young couple that must have decided to (wisely) leave the children at home with a baby-sitter or family member and come see the movie alone. Okay, fine, that's great, that's what all the morons with the toddlers should have done. Except halfway through the movie, I hear the woman's cell phone start chirping - someone was calling her and she didn't set it to vibrate, no, she set it to beep/chirp. All right, so your cell phone rings and it sounded like it was the babysitter/caretaker, obviously she had to take it. I can understand that. What I cannot understand, however, is taking the call while you are still in your seat. I could hear her whispering even when she was seven or eight rows behind me. How much effort does it take to get off your ass and go right outside the doors so no one else has to hear about your daughter's hatred of raisins?

So the movie ends and we decide that we actually did want to see "The Bourne Supremacy". We buy our tickets and go to sit down, basking in the knowledge that "The Bourne Supremacy" is a PG 13 movie with very mature themes that surely no one would think about bringing their six and seven year olds to see.

Wrong.

There weren't as many as there were in "I, Robot" but there were still people bringing their painfully young children to see a movie about a former CIA assassin seeking revenge on the people who did him wrong (I don't feel like getting into too much detail, spoilers and all...). Thankfully these children were better behaved than the ones we had during "I, Robot" but that still does not change the fact that they were there. Plus, because they are children and they are prone to being unable to hold their bodily functions for more than, say, five seconds, there was always one child or another getting up to leave the theater then barging back in five minutes later.

Lest I seem ageist, let me tell you - the senior citizens were almost as bad. They would laugh at inappropriate moments during "The Bourne Supremacy". A woman was just murdered? Hey, what better time is there to start giggling like a dying hyena? Even worse is when someone across from us started a conversation about their blood pressure medication during the previews but for some reason, felt it necessary to continue the conversation throughout the first eight or nine minutes of the movies. I am all for talking during the previews - I know you have your weirdos who think even the sacred commercia- I mean previews should equate silence but I'm not that bad, really. I just want to watch the actual movie, you know the one we paid twenty bucks to see, in peace and quiet.

Someone please refer me to this entry any time I express an urge to see a movie before it comes out on DVD. Thanks in advance.

before & after